We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Randomize
