I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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