There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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