My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
