Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
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