i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
