So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Drunk is a universal language darling
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
