this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
