I'm jealous of your bromance
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
