I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
