Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
