Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
