somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
