Kareoke will never be a sober sport
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
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