I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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