bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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