Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Randomize
