Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
