You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
