Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Randomize
