I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
My penis needs a shock collar
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
