So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
