FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
