walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
