I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
