I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
