I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
