Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
