Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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