Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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