hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
