So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
