im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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