You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
