I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
