he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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