ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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