fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
