Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Randomize
