I accidentally had phone sex last night
I CAN MOONWALK!
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
