So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Found the puke drawer
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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