Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
