But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
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