we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
