oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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