I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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