i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
pop tarts are not kleenex
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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