last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
im holly from the hills drunk
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
