My boss' voice literally gives me gas
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
