im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
