too bad you live with your parents still
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
