everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
