I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
