U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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