**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
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