The maid of honor just puked.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Randomize
