I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I wish they made helmets for livers.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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