Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
