i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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