he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
