My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
